The Warning Signs of Growing Up

Occasionally things happen that make me realize *I* am the grown up. It’s kind of baffling, because last time I checked, I was still 22 years old and newly married. And snickering at adolescent jokes. Okay, I still snicker at adolescent jokes.

But I have grown up! I still don’t understand how this happened. I have four children who call me Mommy! I have been married 15 years. I am a homeowner.

Listen, folks, don’t let this sneak up on you. There are warning signs! You may not be able to prevent it, but you can prepare for it!

Allison’s Signs Of Growing Up:

  • Your mail consists mainly of people and companies demanding you pay them money. These are called bills. If you don’t pay them, they are allowed to harass you day and night. And they will.
  • You decide to buy a house, but then end up with a mortgage. It will take you 15-30 years to pay for a house you’ll be ready to move out of in 5 years.
  • People call you Ma’am (or Sir). It’s especially bad when the person calling you Ma’am is in their 20s and you realize you are older than they are.
  • You think about your high school or college days and think it was just last year when in reality it was 20 years ago. You really are that old!
  • Grocery shopping is a necessity and you always take a list because God forbid you forget the toilet paper.
  • Having to leave the house after 7pm for said toilet paper is a nightmare because you’re already in your PJs. And you wonder why so many other people are out so late at night.
  • The perfect night is no longer binge drinking and hooking up with a hottie, but curling up on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a quiet movie.
  • You are talking to your children the same way your parents talked to you. You say things like, “Because I said so!” It’s scary, y’all!

So listen, if any of this is happening – don’t panic! It will be okay! Just relax and let nature take its course. I promise it won’t hurt – much.


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